i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
