The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
