$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
