Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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