He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
