I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
