He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
