you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
