i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I love you. Go after that dick
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
