i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
