this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
