I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
