the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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