Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
