You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
