His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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