dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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