I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
