so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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