tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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