u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
