Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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