is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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