best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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