If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
