Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
