sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
