take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
