If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
