It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
