we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
