Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize