what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
We are two peas in an std pod
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
