I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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