Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
