Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
