Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
