I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
