That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
