why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
