I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
