p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
