I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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