I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
