Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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