My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
