On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
