thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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