do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
