Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
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