Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize