his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
