The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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