omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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