Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I CAN MOONWALK!
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
