hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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