Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
