If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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