I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
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