mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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