Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
