Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
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