so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
