how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
