finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
