I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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