Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
