non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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