Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
