peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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