If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
